So here I am again.
After another absence, albeit a rather long one, I find myself back at the computer searching for meaning and motivation. So what happened this time? Did I finish my novel? Did I at least get started? Did I get run over by a city bus? Did I find myself curled-up in the fetal position, overcome with self-loathing and crippling anxiety? Or did the normal trials of life simply get in the way?
The answer of course is that none of the above occurred, well at least not in their entirety. My absence is due to the confluence of many events relating to life, work, school, parenting and self-doubt that I am certain are the normal barriers faced by all beginning writers.
Details? Surely, you don’t want details? After all there are only two of you following me at the moment. But oh, I forgot the most important member of my audience … me, not so little and not quite old, me. After all, the true reason for me starting this blog is to keep a record of my journey for no one other than myself. It would be great if others could gain a measure of enjoyment or learning from my hapless bumbling, but that is not my absolute motivation. I am doing this for me! I need to be able to look back and see where I have been, what I did well, what I did poorly, and perhaps most importantly, that I kept going.
So what actually happened in these long months? The short answer is … lots. Some good, others not so. The long answer is … not really needed. So I’ll give a somewhat abridged account of my journey.
I have been busy since my last post. I have completed 3 courses towards my Master’s degree in Education and I am currently finishing my final course towards this end (only one month to go). Anyone who has done graduate work knows it can become very time consuming and your thoughts can become constantly caught up in your work. I trained for and completed my first half-marathon. This is no small feat for a man of my size (6 ft – 230 lbs). I have been looking for work. My last teaching contract ended 9 months ago and I invested an insane amount of time since July looking for work. Alas, I have not found any. Lastly, I have been busy in my central role of “Dad”. With summer vacation and 3 active sons much of my time was spent playing with and caring for them. I know this sounds like I am making excuses but guess what, I am and I’m okay with that.
Alongside all of these activities my self-esteem and self-worth have taken a beating. While I don’t want this blog to turn into an emotional chamber pot, I think it is normal for a writer’s emotions to play a role in their ability to complete their work. So now and again I will post an emotional check in.
But all of these issues aside, I am back and I am committed to posting at least once a week. Sometimes I may post more but never less. My promise to you and to myself is that for the foreseeable future I am fully committed to my writing. My only responsibilities are to my family and to my writing. This is the benefit to accepting unemployment, finishing this graduate degree and of having a loving wife who has a white collar job and is encouraging me along this path.
More to come.